Gossip Girl (s3ep15): The Sixteen Year Old Virgin – ***

SPOILERS BELOW

Previously: Chuck is talking with Elizabeth, a woman who may or may not be his previously thought to be deceased mother. Plus, introducing his Uncle Jack who is always creating drama. Dan and Vanessa have feelings for each other and most of us are bored. Rufus may or may not have been with someone who is not Lily. And Rufus lays down the law with Jenny on seeing Damien and his drugs.

…Aaw, lots of cute photos of Jenny from her younger years grace her bedroom walls. Jenny is leaving and Rufus tells her to come home straight after school. Younger Jenny may have listened, but this Jenny waits til she’s right outside the door to call a cab, take her hair down, and go all rebel. Blair is on the phone and Chuck comes in with his lawyer. Turns out he’s being sued for sexual harassment. Oh, Chuck. Your past comes back to bite you.

Blair: “So, we’ll fight it. We have innocence, good breeding, and Doug, one of the best lawyers in New York on our side.”

Chuck instead decides to settle to avoid the PR nightmare.

Blair: “Settlements are for the guilty, celebrities who run people over, the catholic church. It’s not fair.”

Lily stops by to see Rufus and of course is interrupted by school calling to say Jenny’s been cutting classes all week. Ouch. I guess people have to learn for themselves when they’re taking the wrong path. Serena and Nate are just finishing…ew…and Rufus is calling Serena about Jenny. Serena tells Nate she understands that the harder Rufus forbids Jenny, the more she’ll go after Damien. Dan and Vanessa are also making out, ew, as Rufus also calls them. And Vanessa is wearing her crazy bra today.

And Jenny is also making out…with Damien. Ew, again. He gets a case of roman hands and russian fingers and Jenny quickly says she needs to get to school. Damien tells her sex is part of the equation with him. Jerk. He asks and she tells him it’s not her first time, liar, but she just doesn’t want to be rushed. He says ok, nice and slow. Yeah, we’ll see.

Blair, Chuck, and Elizabeth are out and Chuck invites her to an event to meet his step-family. It’s just nice to see him acknowledge his dad’s ex-wife’s kin as his family. But alas, the press interrupt the moment as they’ve somehow heard of the sexual harassment charges. Lily consoles Rufus about Jenny and invites him to the event tonight. Rufus acknowledges things are getting better, but he isn’t ready to go anywhere with her. While he’s distracted with still trying to find Jenny, Lily leaves behind the scarf he left at his maybe-mistress.

Serena is meeting with Jenny and appears to be asking and saying all the right things. She says it’s Jenny’s decision, but to really make sure he’s the one. Nate watches on and makes some funny perplexed faces at Serena’s comments. And then Serena offers up Nate to take Jenny to lunch. Yay! N/J scenes.

Uncle Jack needs a slap as he harasses our Chuck about his mother and how she can’t be alive. He says Chuck should invite her to the event so he can meet her and see for himself. Blair shows up and tells Jack his plans to remove Chuck from the company aren’t going to happen. But Jack reminds her he’s gotten everything of Chuck’s he wants as he creepily holds her hand. Ew.

I spoke too soon on Serena helping out her step-sister. Serena’s plan is to have lunch with Damien, get him to come onto her, just in time for Nate to bring Jenny back and witness it. I just don’t see this working out. Dan is also consoling his dad on Jenny being MIA.

Dan: “You know, Dad. I think every girl goes through a forbidden guy phase. That explains why vampires are so popular right now.”

Rufus is at least intuitive when it comes to his son and asks Dan where he’s been the last couple of nights and who he’s seeing. Dan lies horribly. And Vanessa shows up and starts to give him a kiss, but he’s worried his dad will see and insists this is a friends only zone. I don’t get this. Just because Dan and Vanessa have been friends since they were young, why is it such a big deal if they were to start dating?

At lunch Serena tries to seduce Damien who is actually having none of that and tells her he’s seeing Jenny. Honorable for once. Meanwhile, Nate has obviously called Rufus and is stalling to let Jenny leave. Rufus shows up and he’s not happy. Back at home, he lays down the law. He’s taking her to and from school, etc. Rufus finds the scarf he left behind at his mistress and that Lily returned.

Elizabeth shows up and it’s obvious Chuck is now wary of her. Especially once she backs out of going to the event when she hears Jack is going. Uh, oh. Blair and Serena are getting ready for the event and Nate calls.

Nate refuses to apologize because “Losing your virginity is a big deal for a girl like Jenny.”

So what, it’s not for Serena? Ouch. Rufus decides to go the event after all to talk to Lily and he’s dragging Jenny along, too. Meanwhile, Chuck is getting a DNA testing on his mother and Blair says Jack has gotten inside his head. Elizabeth overhears and is not happy with her son not trusting her. You don’t know Chuck, dear. Blair’s chipped away at that armor, but there’s still a lot of work to do.

At the event, Serena and Nate are still at odds as he brings up all the gossip about all the guys she’s slept with including losing his virginity to her. She insists it’s all untrue and it’s still not a good reason for him going behind her back about Jenny. And in an interesting twist to the usual tale, Nate reminds her of how he was the one who woke up alone the morning after he lost his virginity to her. Ouch again.

At the event, Rufus defends Lily’s honor in front of Jack and she realizes he’s found the scarf. Naughty boy. Vanessa shows up in a ‘not-friends-only’ dress and mentions she’s not wearing underwear. Dan is clearly turned on. Touche. Nate sees Jenny sitting alone and she’s not happy as he tries to apologize.

Nate: “I mean you’re a really special girl, Jenny. Who deserves a guy who’s going to see that. Who’s going to be there in the morning.”
Jenny: “Not like you’re available.”

He tells her about what Damien did to Serena and she admits he only hit on her because she was wearing the drug jacket.

Jenny: “Stop pretending that you care about me.” She sees Damien arrive. “In fact the only who does just got here.”

Oh, Jenny. Classic teenage rebellion. Nate stands in the way, refusing to let him leave with her. And so Damien punches him and leaves anyway. Nate tells everyne what happened and heads out to find Jenny. Rufus admits to Lily nothing happened with the other woman. Thank god. They’re about to have a moment, which is of course interrupted. Elsewhere:

Chuck’s lawyer: “We’re getting attacked from Christian conservatives.”
Chuck: “We have those in Manhattan?”
Lawyer: “The Family Tribal Council is organizing a boycott.”

Chuck needs to hand over operations of the hotel at least temporarily. And of course, Jack is at the ready to take over. Nate shows up at Damien’s hotel. Surprise! He’s not there as they’ve booked a room elsewhere. Chuck discusses his hotel problem with Blair and tells her the DNA results on Elizabeth came in.

Jenny admits to Damien she’s a virgin and he acknowledges it, but says it’s not a big deal. She insists it is a big deal. He just wants to talk about it later. And thankfully, Jenny backs out of sleeping with him. And of course, Damien leaves her behind, calling her “Just a kid.” She sits in the bed alone and cries.

Jenny comes home upset where everyone is waiting. She privately tells Serena they did the deed and it wasn’t a big deal. Chuck admits to Elizabeth she’s his mother and asks her to take over his company because he trusts her. Lily calls her mother about seeing her ex-husband as her doctor. Rufus asks what’s going on and she lies…again. Dan goes to see Vanessa and they agree to tell people they’re together.

Nate is finally making nice with Serena now that he’s not running after Jenny. She says she loves him and he loves her. And is it just me or does he not seem as sure anymore? He kisses her, but something tells me N/J are not over. Unless the writers are dumb. Chuck settles in with Blair, happy that everything worked out. And I smell that Jack and Elizabeth were working together against him. And I totally called it right before it was revealed. She’s so dirty.

Addendum: So, were the DNA results faked and is this the real Elizabeth? Has she had a thing with Jack all along?